I am sure that most of you know that Jeremy Corbyn has been elected as Labour Leader for the second time in a year. He is unelectable, though. He is, HE IS, he iiiis. I can only presume that the recent leadership election versus Owen Smith must have been a fix – let’s look at the two candidates…

Corbyn has been an MP since 1983; politically active for even longer; been on the right side of history with his political opinions even when they were unpopular at the time; clearly – because of this history – means what he says when he speaks about such things as anti-austerity, anti-war, free movement of people etc; he speaks all the sense and compassion; he claims hardly any expenses; he actually represents the Labour Party like they were created to be. What a bore.

But, Mr Smith. What a guy. Whether there is actually anything behind his eyes or not, is still up for debate – however, his agreeing with Corbyn on all his most popular policies and disagreeing on his more ‘controversial’ ones shows intuition, right? He also knows who Ant and Dec are. He speaks his mind of course and says awesome, totally not stupid, things such as Plaid Cymru leader Leanne Wood only gets on Question Time because she is woman. He is also a supporter of NHS privatisation, Trident, bombing Syria, and just couldn’t make a decision about Conservative welfare cuts so abstained from voting on that one – this legend, he is obviously compassionate and not at all Tory-like. These things couldn’t possibly mean he is unprincipled, right? Leaning towards the most centre ground on super important issues takes balls, man.

Who does this Corbyn bloke think he is anyway? Back in the eighties he only wore open-necked shirts to the Commons and said that “It’s not a fashion parade, it’s not a gentleman’s club, it’s not a bankers’ institute, it’s a place where the people are represented.” All right, hippy! Jeez Jez. Swanning into parliament with no fashion sense, inexpensive suits, and causing a huge surge in membership for the Labour Party. Pfft.

And, all right, he may have been elected twice in a year for Labour’s leadership but he is totally unelectable against Tory opposition. Except in 1983, 1987, 1992, 1997, 2001, 2005, 2010, and 2015 for his constituency Islington North. BUT, hey that was during elections when the voting focus was on the party leaders and, whatever, he has still never proven himself in a general election as leader. He doesn’t have Theresa May’s ability to become leader of the UK without being elected at all – he really is lame. Although, even in an election May has Rupert Murdoch on her ticket; plus, she is a lot meaner and doesn’t have most voters’ best interests at heart, so the masochistic electorate will prefer her.

Corbyn ain’t a leader anyway! His abundance of political experience; strength in the face on constant media, Labour, and Conservative attacks; huge public support; and easy peasey wins in the leadership elections have nothing to do with it. Gaaawd. I don’t care how much better his suits are now.

It’s disgusting anyway, Corbyn wants…oh, crikey, I am actually struggling to write this…he wants to…make things more…equal. He wants to help that part of the population who are not rich and privileged – the majority. Ugh. I feel dirty just thinking about it.

But anyway. He is perfectly good leader material (shhh…) but as long as his own party and the media keep saying he is not, no-one will really believe the opposite, so he is under control. With so much of the media against him, and so much of the public so easily manipulated, Theresa will have the general election – whenever that may materialise – in the bag. Unless people start listening to Corbyn’s actual words rather than their recycled, changed, half truth versions. That’d be nice.

Just to clarify, if the sarcasm was not obvious, I am totally a Jezza fan.