This voting malarkey can get proper confusing. You’d think it would be well easy for the British public by now – we get to vote every year, sometimes twice! So, I’ve decided to lay it out in simple terms, specifically concentrating on the divisive Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn and the pros and cons of him becoming our glorious leader.
- Will bring about a complete u-turn on the past few years of the strong and stable increase to food bank usage, zero hour contracts, child poverty, privatisation, and tax cuts for the rich.
- Can only be bothered to take Britain back to the 1970s, blocking the Conservatives plans to take the country back to the glorious 1870s.
- Foxes are dicks.
- We’ve had far too many male leaders. Theresa May is actually less of a feminist than Corbyn, but whatever – #girlpower
- Unlike May, he actually talks and listens to the voters and doesn’t seem remotely scared of them. Can you imagine what kind of germs he must have picked up from all those real people? Proper gross.
- He is a vegetarian – if he can’t even kill a four-month-old lamb and shove its chopped up, burnt flesh into his mouth purely for some selfish fleeting pleasure, how is he going to be able to kill hundreds of Syrian children to protect Britain from terrorism?
- He expects Ant and Dec to just sit back and be governed by someone who doesn’t know they exist? The arrogance of the man.
- Recklessly says things that are taken out of context and exaggerated and completely lied about.
- Thinks international relations should be more than just the threat of genocide. Pussyhole.
- Rich people, corporations, and the right wing press really do not like him. It is nothing to do with his policies being bad for them and great for everyone else – as if they’d be so self-serving!
- All those people who claimed he was unelectable are just going to look really really silly. What kind of monster would wish that kind of public embarrassment on other human beings?
- The man is clearly stupid: he was against the pay rise in MP’s wages (he’s an MP!!) and wants Premier League football teams to splurge a huge 5% of its TV income into grassroots football (he’s an Arsenal supporter!!)
- May clearly has a better grasp of the English language, as she always says ‘I’ this and ‘I’ that. Corbyn is always talking about ‘we’ this and ‘we’ that. Who does he think he is, the Queen?
- Has a long record of being on the right side of history. Convenient, no?
- Brexit means Brexit.
- He’s a lovely guy.